December 4, 2004 - January 13,2005
Thursday, March 25, 2004
Wow~ It's almost a week of school already since the March Break was over! Time flies! No doubt about this statement! It's the most classical one that could never be replaced! One the reasons why time flies and i have such a strong feeling about it is because things are keeping me busy, but also on the track. Sigh~ Laziness is the biggest enemy of my life up to this point! Why? It's because i didn't do anyting during the week of holidays! What a waste of time! Right now i am tring to refresh my memory of what i had done in the break and nothing pops up! What the FXXK! Whahaha...Anyway! Life is like an endless game that challeneges create every seconds once you are still alive, once you are still a player of it. When you can't straighten up your mind from troubles, you could not live peacefullly! This is my theory! whahaha...i really believe in this since this is the situation that i am in right now. The break isn't that useless in this case, despite the fact that i did absolutely nothing for school, my mind has actually grown up a bit! Wow! This is awesome because i think my maturity is getting stronger! Well..i seriously do not want to get into any types of troubles, especially get trapped in the game of love. Somehow i feel extremely tired about this game. It's not fun at all! Forget about it! It's like a year almost, he still can't fade away from my memory, from my head and my heart. Also Kevin...we are getting very weird now...i have no idea waht to do..so i am planning to tell him my feelings towards him...and how i feel about us..right now...sigh~ School+ Family+ Friends= My Life! Well..i just want these three months could be enjoyable! That's all i wish for! Please..god...help me for a bit..!
Wednesday, March 17, 2004
Looking at the time right now it's 1:20 in the morning. Since it's March Break so i often stay up so late at night to watch tv or icq or write a Blog. After i developed the films from Loblaw's yesterday, i realised that i still really miss Cho, althrough he indirectly rejected me. Obvioulsly enough for me to pick up this point because he passed his cell phone to his girlfriend last time. Memories are haunting me, and at the same time they are flashing back like before i knew the cruel reality, which is no chances. Sigh~ What else can i say about it? Opening my heart and mind to myself solitarily, i can not lie to myself anymore about forgetting him since the feeling is still so strong that i can not resist to think about him all day long. Vivdly i told myself that i would never give him phone call again, but i broke the promise that i made with my own. I was silly enough to call him when he was during lunch break in Hong Kong, which i was so sleepy that i wanted to go to bed more than anything! Why would i give him a phone call? Once again it was about the silly matter that i didnt' find his name on the Nike League selection list for the second round!! It was so horrible that it actually begged me for the entire night just to think about the right reason of not seeing his name on the list! Sigh~What a fool who is so foolish to behaviour like a none- sense! How could it be possible for me to still have a certain feeling towards him? Didn't i tell myself that you actually like someone else instead of him? Do i still love him? Do i still want to be with him? What should you do to get rid of him totally in your life? All those "important", "logical" questions popped up in my head when ever i had time to chill or claim down from what i was busy with. Sigh~ The thought to get together with him is still so strong that i could not stop thinking about what it would be like if we could be lovers in the summer, even through i "would" be the third player of this love game. However i really know that it will never be possible to be his girlfriend...I know the true reason more than anyone else, at least i think i am clear about it, since his passion to this relationship with his Pamela is so tight that he won't even consider the other girls to be around. Therefore the only solution that i could think of now is to date him for a dinner or something immediately when i am back, and tell him the truth, then ask him to reject me, just like what i required Jacky Chiu to do. In this earth, there is no one who can have such a strong power to make me feel this way except him; there is no one who can make me feel so good just to love him. From the bottom of my heart, i know how much i love him and need him, but i also realise that my dream will never come true. Hahaha..it is so funny that Chris think it is possible to make someone to fall in love with you, but the truth is this does not happen all the time. My lucky star is a shooting star that the least thing i can do is to say goodbye to it, because i know i will never have the luck to achieve such a difficult dream. My luck has gone by the very first time i knew him in the basketball court. By just sitting there i already figured out that i wont' be able to escape from this boy, from his five fingers, from his eyes. Is this what people called " love by first sign"? Sigh~ I don't know, all i know is loving him makes me feel so peaceful, warm and positive. Once again he is taking over the power of my life, after he found the very best girl in his life. The love and passion that i have towards him is more than his physical appearance or his outstanding basketball skills, which is very unforunately because i truly love him? I want to feel his breathing, his arms around me...oh...my mind is getting dirty~ whahaha...Sigh~ I guess i will like to keep things in this way until he reject me in the summer! Hahaha! I am so out of control! Hahaha...this time...hehe! P.s:This is the longest Blog that i have never written before! Sigh! What a shame! Did own him something in my last life? Sigh~ Lol~
Tuesday, March 16, 2004
I havn't felt so wonderful for such a long time since...i dont' remember! Well, let me recall my memory for a bit so i would know what to write for today's journal! Hehe! Oh yes! After i solved my major major problem, i went to my piano lesson today, but before i went there, i actually wanted to develope my black and white films! I was too exciting about it that i actually arrived late!=(...yea...hehe..but i had so much fun today in my piano lesson, althrough it was longer than the usual lesson..but i had so much fun! Hehe..yea...then i got my pictures back...and...i saw them...i remember i took some of them in Hong Kong...battleground games..when joe joe was playing...so many shots...are actuallly about him...sigh..yea..really..memories are refreshing...i guess..i still had feelngs about him...after i took my shower, i set in the washroom and ponder what do i actually feel/ think about it...i guess i stil really miss him..really...i mean it...sigh...oh yea..today i went online to HK's nike league site...i didn't see his name on the list for the second round ...i wonder what's happening to him..cuz he said he would like to play in this year's Nike League! Is he going ot be in America by then so he dont' even bother to register? Um..so many question marks...i really want to give him a phone call...i think i need him to reject me in person...since he didn't actually reject me last summer! Well.but i am really looking forward to meet Ivan, Gf, Crystal and number 1 la! Oh yea..i talked to my mum on the phone...and then she and aunts are going to eat hot pot on this Saturday..um..i wish i could be there wiht them! I really want ot join them! Sigh..and father...he told mama that he felt my sister and i become so mature and grown up! um..kind of missing him...Sigh! Anyway! Today is a very wonderful day!
Monday, March 15, 2004
Today it's been a very long day, and i mean it. My March Break still has no processes for getting my homework or house chorse done up to this point. Althrough it is just the beginnig of my one week- long March Break offically, however i think i need to get some work done. What i have done today was very amazing that i will always remember it. Around 12:30 i went o the water park to wait for Perry to go with me to get my driver licence. It's honestly like "a day with Perry Lam' cuz i spent tremendoulsy long time with him! We took bus to there and back home. Well..it actually took us 3 hours to get everything settle down before we finally arrived home! Sigh..then we went to War Mart to get white light bulbs but we got none..then i found out that my air bag was going to pop up! Sigh...we actually went to Land Rover to get my jeep check up! Sigh...but i feel very forunately to have Perry around because i would not know waht to do without him! This is from the bottom of my heart! The weather of today was so cold that we both were shivering all the time, i felt so appreciate about it since he wa sstill sick! Sigh...poor Perry to hve me this trouble maker friend!@@ Um...but here is the surprise or little gift! I got a new impala to drive! Wow! It's 2004 model! It's the type of car that crops always drive around! Hehehe...well.but on the other hand, i feel very guilty and sorry for my parents! I belive this time i have to waste their money again! Sigh...anyway! Things will be fine i guess..sigh...anyway..later~
Sunday, March 07, 2004
It's been a long day since i didnt' do much today. Probably it's because i am sick and i didnt' feel like to use my brain on my work. Coughing and sneezing were what i did for most of the time except eating, reading newspaper, and doing nothing! wahahaha..i dont' know what i am talking about, anyway~ Um.recently i am listening to one for Chemistry's favorite hit " You go your way". I feel so scared and so lost while i am hearing this song...i don't know why...i really miss Crystal, Ivan+ Gold Fish....i think about Clement...so many things are like flash back...i am scared that i will lose everything that i have right now...i am really scared that i will not see them again...i am scard of everything..a fear suddenly raises up in my heart...i can't help thinking about it..it's keep haunting me..just like what Crystal says in her info...i am very scared...i also think about Clement..how many things that i own him...how much he loves me but i actually let him down...i am very scared...i don't know what to do...sigh..i feel so lost...i can't ..do anything about it...i just..the more i listen to you go your way, the more i feel scared about it...sigh...i hope..i can do something about it...i sent messages to tell GF and Crystal that how fearful i feel right now... um...Please..stop feeling in this way please... i really want to cry...GF..reply my message please..i need to talk to you now....and then i just called GF...on his cell phone...i told him that i actually feel so scared...that..i scared that i won't be able to see them...but i feel so much better after i talked to him...sigh...but i am very happy to hear his voice..really..it's been a long time since i talked to him on the phone...last summer was the best one ever! Realy..to have GF+ Crystal+ Ivan...no regrets! I swear! Sigh...yea..really...Thank God that i could know them...and spent such a wonderful summer with them...yea...i am smiling again...because I have them in my life....!
Wednesday, March 03, 2004
It's another long day as usual, but somethng special happened at school. Forunately i made two prints for Photography, which is good news because i still need to do seven more. At least it's better than none. Then i went home for lunch, but the main purpose of going home during lunch time was for me to practice piano. I no longer want my piano teacher to yell at me like crazy! Althrough i didnt' spend very much time on piano, but i got some processes done! Um..then i went to school, i talked to Bin, Blanca and Daniel. Well...it was okay... i guess... In fifth period i put make up on my face cuz i needed to try different style of make up to find out which one is the most suitable one for me to go to prom. When everyone saw me with make up on my face, they were in stock cuz they were not use to look at me with eye shadow! Um..yea..then i went to drawing class...and i gave a little thought to what i really want...i am very tired of thinking about love...KL...um....i guess i just have good feelings toward him..not true love..i don't have the same strong feelings as i loved Joe...um..i think i would perfer to take it easy in this way... No rush..Chris is true about this matter...Um..i honestly don't think KL likes me and yea...this is a very good reason already! Isnt' it? At least i think so! Anyway...still feelnig very stressful..but..i think i iwll be fine! Oh yea! Tomorow i will have badminton practice again! I should be cheerful and happy about this! Yea!~ Okie Dokie...that's it for today! Later~
Monday, March 01, 2004
Time flies and it's almost spring now. Eight more days before we are off to March Break, which is what everyone looks forward to. Yesterday night i only got five hours of sleep because i worked on my Photography proposal until two. When i was at school today i felt so sleepy that i wanted to lay on the table to sleep forever. Debating club had a little technical problem about I approved the motion. Althrough at the end i finally got it fixed, but i felt weird about this. Thanks for Amy's help to have a new movtion. In the fifth period, i had a researching period for Art. Jacky Chiu, Chun Long, Perry and Joanne were there working either on their universtiy application or their homework. All of a sudden people were very interested to know who i have a crush on momentarily. Is it a huge issue to disucss about? Personally i do not think people should care so much of other indivdual's business. I guess i should not be too caring too. This time i dont' want to have an extremely aggressive attitude of how to handle this "matter"....it's just...i want to keep it simple and fun by not getting all those gossips and rumors spread around. So i choose not to say a word about it. Um..Thanks for the walk Marvin! We talked about some issues and problems while we walked slow to my house. It's a very nice conversation!=-)
Among all the courese that i am taking right now, i have assignments and projects to hand in before or after March Break. All those due days and deadlines are making me feel suffocationg. Too many things are waiting for answer, for a heart of determinination to think through such as what life is and what is the hidden meaning of life. Too many things to put together too...um..i guess..everyone is going through this process in their lives...um...i dont' want to feel lost anymore...i need to reform my broken dream...
